From Capital Crunch to Perceived Punch

Mar 31, 2023: Month in Review

Another one goes to bust! And another one… and another one…
Dang!!!

3 banks in 4 days! 4 banks in 10 days. How does that happen?

(shivers)

(looks up solemnly) Yeah, I know the last time, I said I was prepping for another tweet storm…

But this…!!!

(shakes phone) This here has been a tsunami… It feels like I’m in Miami

(pretend surfing) The waves keep on coming… The gales keep on storming

And WHOOSH…

(drops dramatically onto the floor… sits quietly for a while)

You know right, this could have been alright

But it isn’t quite right, cause the sudden slam

Have made folks jam

US cryptics have turned to critics

As they think that crypto’s being debanked

And unless that’s going to be debunked

Some clans fearing going for broke are seeking a way out

And clans of ninjas going for ‘roach are seeking a crawl out

(takes a deep breath and exhales)

Okay, I need to take a pill… So that I can chill

(pops open a shiny packet and chews on a red pill)

(stares at listeners) What? Don’t look so alarmed – it’s just my vitamins.

(mutters to self) Yummy pomegranate flavour. Ahhh…

Okay, so where were we?

Ah, yes – my gaze is on this haze…

So, let me try to add some clarity…

Now that I’m back to reality…

We’ve entered a major phase
And yeah, I’m a bit fazed
Because we’ve had a major raze
At first crypto had nothing to do with it
But now crypto has everything to deal with it

So, these are the scenes of the story titled: 4 banks crash in 10 days

(with expressive hands)

Think of a better title if you must

I really don’t give a fuss…

Scene 1.

The first crash was down the valley

It was caused by a mad dash

Of startups grabbing their stash

After investors said, “Hey fasten your sash!”

And by blink blink the bank was out of cash

The silicon dream washed out

Flooded with bonds sold at discount

Prestigious long term solid plans

Contagious short term morbid harms

The fed-ies rates hiked

The compan-ies wages biked

Bonds sold… losses disclosed…

Bang!

The bank resold!

(in an afterthought… lifts left hand)

By the way, don’t pick me up on my tenses… you just need to flow on from my lenses

That’s how I talk… like flip flop

(shrugs) Whatever the chalk… just keep up

(with a comical smile) Okay!

Scene 2

(flips through a folder) The second crash was at the silver gates

After a going concern was released

A $1billion gash was revealed

Partners signing out made the news splash

Leading to a gate clash

Deposits run… customers’ churn…

Edged the bank to a place of no return

Clang!

The gates shut!

Scene 3.

(pulls out a magnifying glass and peers over some papers)

The third crash was a signature mishap

It was caused by ….

(stares at listeners) How about you tell me…?

I’m still on a loop trying to figure this one out…

Reading some of these comments, it seems like…

To prevent a capital crunch

There was a perceived punch…

No hints simmering during the Sunday brunch

Could predict the news that came after the late lunch…

It sure has left a big rash

As crypto folks FUD it all a mish-mash…

…Just saying!

(hits papers) And just calling it as I read it!

(squints in a quick flicker that reveals vexation)

Scene 4.

Has nothing to do with crypto but quite a story…

(resets focus on listeners)

The fourth crash was high on the alps

Started off as an external warning flash

Preceded by an internal executive backlash

Spurred an exodus of funds quarter to Christmas

Rocked the glass house which made it smash

(introspectively) What’s that saying again? “Those who live in glass houses don’t throw…?” Hmmm… 

A sell off of a major bank in the alps

To the major bank of the alps

Big credit to Suisse

They sure know how to make their union banking work

Now the scenes have been laid

How can we make sense of them at this stage

(phone rings… impulsively hits the speaker)

A voice from the other side of the phone line: RegLeg it’s me!

RegLeg: Hey Cryptonosis. Your timing is perfect.

Cryptonosis: Why? What’s new?

RegLeg: All news. Plotting the scenes of the banks’ fallouts… bailouts and buyouts…

Right now, I’m out of rhyme

And don’t really give a dime

So, I’ll step back with a glass of wine

And let you speak, so I don’t whine

(reclines on a couch with a glass)

So speak to me… tell us…’nosis – what are you nosing?

Cryptonosis: (chuckles) Sure… you take a rest… while I do my best…

Haha! Trying to rhyme as your guest… won’t even stand the test!

Two questions I’ll address quickly…

What have been the rescue plans?

Why does this affect the crypto plans?

Starting with the first, citizens have been prioritized with a takeover of Silicon Valley Bank.

Funds by depositors have a $20billion US government credit support through First Citizens.

The second had a silver lining as Silvergate made good its commitment to pay off its depositors before shutting its gates.

Investors not so lucky. But no government rescue.

Crypto is affected as that was the first bank to provide a 24/7, 7 days a week payment rail to make crypto transfers and conversion to USD… a.k.a on and off ramps.

The third… we’ll jump, skip and hop over for now… It’s really a hot, scalding potato.

Maybe watch this stage… maybe not…

Time will tell the real ricochet that happened here.

Signs are that the signed off bank had funds before it was taken over by the auths

Part of what remains now flags with stars. That’s all I can say…

Crypto folks were hit as this was the second US bank to offer on and off ramps for USD.

And if you recall from my last gist, the one thought to be left… before things went up in air.

Other than that, Bit$ bulls are on a micro cruise, captained by the strategic saylor stowing up $150million worth of Bit$ which shored up its treasure chest to the shanty of $4.14billion.

And down in Montenegro, Do has been turned over to don’t.

RegLeg: What a great explanation

We need to share this information

And sound this for the next generation

Who might find this all a sensation

Until it leads to a capitulation

(looks at wrist) One second, the SEC-retary is buzzing

(taps wristwatch) Hi!

SEC-retary: Hear me! Hear me! Do you hear me?

RegLeg: (wryly) I hear you, okay!

SEC-retary: I felt the need to inform you of urgent matters, requiring your attention on this stage.

RegLeg: (braces up) How urgent?

SEC-retary: Depends on how you weigh them up… you have your scales nearby, I trust?

RegLeg: (looks at the legal scales on stage floor) Hmmm…

SEC-retary: Alright!

A Well of a notice has been issued regarding coins exchanged on base.

AND…

A Suit of concerns have been filed regarding b-finance’s trading and its C-zuite.

RegLeg: Whao!!!

Cryptonosis: Yeah, that’s what I called to chat about.

RegLeg: (crossly) So why didn’t you?

Cryptonosis: Thought you knew already; you’re covering the tweets 24/7, 7 days a week.

RegLeg: Not since my profile got hacked! Arbitr-ar-ily lost $500K. My next go to partner was shuttered… Ever since I’ve been on regular business tweets 8am-5pm, Monday-Friday.

Cryptonosis: Sounds rough!

SEC-retary: Hey! Are we on a 3-way call or something?

RegLeg: Now SEC-retary, take this slow.

With the Well of a notice, what’s the violation? What coins, or is it the stakes?

SEC-retary: That’s for me (coughs)… them to know, and for you (coughs)… them to find out.

Cryptonosis: What? You have no clue, do you?

SEC-retary: Hey! Who is this intruding? And may I remind you, don’t shoot the messenger.

Anyway…maybe I don’t know… Or maybe I do…

Whatever the base case is, we’ll all find out soon.

And in any case if this be a boxing cause, I perceive that the heavier weight is b-finance and its C-zuite.

RegLeg: Why? What’s the clause there?

Cryptonosis: It’s a 70-page ream. Reads like a movie reel to be 4 real.

SEC-retary: Hey! Are we on a 3-way call or something?!

RegLeg: Ping me the ream. I’m grabbing my screen.

(grabs a tablet and begins to flip)

Dang! Dang! Dang!

SEC-retary: Hey! Did you just scream?

(RegLeg hits off the phone and watch. Pops open the shiny packet and chews on a blue pill)

(slings on a sleeping mask over eyes and lays down)

(mutters) Yummy passionflower and lavender… Ahhh… It’s all bliss!